The first is too long, but i like it. The second is basically stolen from Douglas Adam's "the ship hung in the air in much the same way that a brick doesn't." The third, fourth, and fifth are trying to add humor, but end up just being verbose. The last doesn't seem that bad at all, to me at least.

very funny though

The Jeopardy one totally cracked me up.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

Good stuff; love the clip