Finally, a parenting book I can relate to.

At what age your child should be able to remove a bottle cap by taking out his glass eye and using his eye socket as an opener

Ouch. I hope they list the side effects.

Ha! They are sure to be a hit at parties.

Arrrhh! Clean up yer room else ye be walking the plank! And no seabiscuits or hard tack for ya!

Excellent!