clipped from www.theonion.com

MERRIMACK, NH—Just two years after unveiling the talking remote-controlled meat thermometer and the telescope with an mp4 player, scientists at Brookstone, Inc., reported Tuesday that the towel alarm clock, which even the most optimistic upscale-gadgetry experts believed could not be available until at least the 22nd century, is a mere decade away from becoming a reality.

Sources from Brookstone Labs, the top-secret, 1,200-acre high-tech gift-development facility perhaps most famous for being the birthplace of the video toothbrush, said that a viable towel alarm clock could be sold to consumers as early as 2017 thanks to recent advances in ferromagnetism, piezoelectric actuators, and cotton.

 "This device will forever change the way we live," said Bryan Davies, Brookstone's executive director of research. "No longer will people have to lug their alarm clock from the bedroom to the shower every morning."

 "The days of not having an alarm clock on your towel will soon be over," Davies added.